


secret love, my escape, take me far far away

by fadingdreams



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, family feels you guys, larry stylinson - Freeform, lourry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-01
Updated: 2013-05-01
Packaged: 2017-12-10 03:01:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/781010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fadingdreams/pseuds/fadingdreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>True love can’t always be ‘just around the corner’ but it get’s to you at some point, if you’re lucky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	secret love, my escape, take me far far away

Louis’ first boyfriend, was when he was in high school. His name was Matt, and his eyes were blue. You couldn’t exactly call it boyfriend though, it was more like a sex-in-the-locker-room thing. Matt was a jock, and nobody could know about his affairs with the little drama kid in the toms. But Louis was so naïve, he believed in love at the time, he believed that one day Matt would carry him into the sunset, no matter what his dumb footie mates would say.

But Matt didn’t care, and six months into their ‘relationship’ someone saw and threatened to tell. Louis was dumped on the spot.

That’s right, no explanation, no hesitation. Six months of effort that only Louis put in, all lost for nothing but a broken heart.

But that didn’t stop Louis from believing. That night when he slept, he dreamed that someone would come for him too one day, and would fight for him, and fight for him until there was nothing left. Because that’s what love is, the ability to fight the world for that one person who has captured your heart.

-

When Louis started university in London, the heart of his world, he found his second heart break awaiting him, in the form of olive toned, tattooed skin and dark raven feathered hair that framed brown eyes and canopy lashes.

Zayn Malik was nothing he had ever experienced. He was edgy, consuming, passionate and fiery. His leather jacket and ripped jeans screamed danger and his wandering lips and fingers whispered pleasure, so fuck it Louis was ready.

Louis learnt that Zayn Malik was more than just a broody face, he was also an artist. His brush painted darkly on a stark white canvas and he dusted rose and sienna, rubbing it into the crevices to work towards perfection. He smelled like acrylics and smoke and Louis was fascinated by him.

They were together for two months and Louis learnt a lot. He learnt how to blow smoke rings and roll a joint, he learnt how to keep himself from passing out after too many tequila shots. He learnt how to pull off some eyeliner and combat boots and he learned how to talk tough and stick up for himself, and when he failed himself Zayn was there to guide him. Louis got a tattoo that was a replica of Zayn’s yin and yang ink on his wrist and Zayn smiled at it when he came home, gently rubbing oil into it every night and pressing his cold lips to the warm skin where it was embedded, Louis didn’t think he could be happier.

But then Zayn met a boy called Liam, who refused to smoke or swear or in general do anything Zayn asked, and that was the one thing that stole Louis’ love from him.

Zayn was good about it, he saw himself falling for Liam and told Louis immediately, refusing to be unfair, in the end, they remained friends, but it wasn’t the same. Louis saw himself again as someone so replacable, so similar to any one night stand you could find. That night when Zayn gently broke it to him, Louis fled the apartment to get to the highway where his sat on the edge, looking down on the cars below when he heard a smooth voice on his right.

“I hope you aren’t thinking of jumping or anything, I’d hate to witness a suicide today.”

Louis laughed a bit at that. “No, I’m not that kind of person, I just came here to… breathe.” The boy talking to Louis was smiling, his lips were cherry red and his dimple peeked out when he grinned cheekily.

“Well breathing is good, guess I gotta run.”

“Wait!” Louis shouted. “What’s your name?”

“Harry.” The boy grinned. “Enjoy your night!”

-

In Louis’ third year of university, he was happy. He had three best friends, sistes he called every week and grades he worked hard for, and that was when he met Nick. Through his drunk haze he was attracted to a mop of pink hair and a loud cutting tone.

“Excuse me,” Louis said drunkenly, “But you have pink hair.”

Nick turned around to look at this stranger amusedly, this stranger with the blue eyes and cheeky smile. “Yeah, I do. You like?”

“I like this open bar.” Louis slurred. “But I don’t like you.”

“Oh?” Nick raised an eyebrow, “I seriously doubt that babe, you see. Everybody likes me.” His face was dangerously close to Louis’ and his breath was washing over the shell of his ear.

“Well guess what.” Louis sneered. “I’m not everybody.”

-

Louis head was throbbing as he rolled himself out of a tangle of sheets and limbs.When he looked around, the room was too clean for his liking, too minimalistic and too classy. Turning his head to the right, he saw pink hair on stark white pillows and smiled, remembering the best night he had had in a while.

He got up and pulled on a large sweater lying on the floor gingerly, pulling the sleeves over his palms to keep his fingers warm. He walked towards the pale kitchen to make himself tea, bumping into the glass door by accident and swearing at the bloody lack of colour in the house. He heard a chuckle behind him as he rubbed his head and got the milk.

“The glass door does take some getting used to.  God know how many times I’ve bruised myself on it.”

Louis’ head whipped around for that was not Nick’s voice; he held the milk carton up threateningly at the curly haired boy that stood in front of him, but Harry just laughed.

“A milk carton wouldn’t protect you.”

“It wouldn’t protect those locks either.” Louis warned, eyes narrowing as Harry pulled a mock-hurt face.

“You wound me, how could you go for the hair?”

The dimple that peeked out reminded Louis. “Hey, you’re that guy! From the bridge, Harry.”

“Bingo.” Harry drawled, flopping down onto one of the kitchen chairs and putting his feet up on the table. “Took you long enough.”

“Well my apologies.” Louis sneered. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“I actually came to see Nick, believe it or not. But for now, you’ll do just fine.” Harry beamed.

“Cocky little shit aren’t you?” Louis said calmly, swirling the tea with a spoon, watching it turn rich and golden brown.

“C’est la vie,” Harry sighed. “Pour me a cuppa?”

“Hm.” Louis mused. “No.”

Harry frowned and opened his mouth to retort but was interrupted by a silky voice in the doorway. “Well if it isn’t the young Styles. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Now that you mention it, I was –“

“Being sarcastic, you really need to work on recognizing the tone Harry.” Nick smiled, pulling Harry off the chair by his armpits and pushing him towards the door. “Out you get, I can only entertain one at a time.”

“But –“

“Out!”

“Bye!” Harry laughed over his shoulder at Louis who couldn’t help feeling a little fond at his youthful visage, the eyes really were sinful.

-

Nick and Louis broke off things after eight months of being madly in love. There was no, “we saw it coming.” Or “it was going to happen.” It was a big rude splash, and screams and vicious scrabbles and low blows full of menace. It was a cruel and angry fight to the death, and it couldn’t have ended in any other way.

When the two had yelled their throats raw and swallowed their tears, and tried to hold some dignity in their already cracked and bleeding hearts, Louis stormed out. And nobody said it, but they both knew that it was over, no misunderstanding, no pleading, just silence after a storm of cries and coughs and cursing undertones.

Both of them were free and mighty souls, unable to bow out of a performance for the sake of saving the show. And so it was natural, that they would end on a high note, on a bang, on wave at its highest degree.

And that’s the way Louis found himself, lying on a bench, back on the same bridge again, his legs dangled off the edge as he pulled the cigarette from his lips to let out the smoke. The warmth in his chest made him feel better, but his throat was thick. It could have been with tears, but Louis knew it was just the cold he had last weekend, he never cried or shed the slightest sadness over lost relationships. It was a hopeless and useless art, to put so much emotion into someone else to the point where you lose yourself without them. So Louis kept his feelings in his own heart, and took another drag, tip glowing red in the darkness.

He saw a blurred figure walking towards him in the darkness, but made no move to greet it. The silhouette became clearer until Harry revealed himself as an outline of curly hair and a jaw line that cut sharply across the sky he stood against, in front of Louis.

“What are you doing here Harry.” Louis mumbled, blowing the smoke out half heartedly.

“Heard about you and Nick.” He huffed, sitting down cross legged with his back against the bench where Louis lay. “What exactly happened?”

“I don’t exactly know.” Louis chuckled. “Something.”

“If you can’t even remember what happened, is it really worth breaking up over it?” Harry questioned, turning to look at Louis curiously.

Louis flicked the end of his cigarette on to the road and spoke, “There’s a time for everything Harry. Me and Nick, our time’s up now, simple as that.”

“If you say so.”

The silence after that was comfortable, Harry didn’t push for details and Louis finished his smoke, tossing the stub to the side and watching the glow die out. The pair let the moon go higher, and the skies grow darker, the stars got brighter and soon the firmament was almost blanketed in them.

“I’ve never seen so many stars.” Harry said in awe, green eyes glowing like crystal orbs. Louis hummed in agreement distracted by the desolate sound of a lone bird wailing in the distance. “You know I can’t just cut myself off from Nick right?”

“I know.” Louis sighed.

It was true, he did know. Even though Harry and Louis had struck up a strange, but strong bond ever since they met, Nick had practically brought Harry from nothing, he had been the only one to stick by Harry when everything was going wrong, and there was no one willing to vouch for him. Nick may have been the cockiest scum to walk the earth, but he was loyal, and for all his flaws, Louis admired that. Because loyalty was the one quality that he had never understood. Pride, grace and endurance were things he treasured. Never the idea of sticking up for someone even if it throws you into the flames, because Louis’ first and foremost priority was himself, and he had no reason to be ashamed of that.

“I hate the sound of birds crying like that.” Louis noted, looking towards the source of the cry.

“Why? What do they mean?”

“Flocks don’t stop for anyone, not even the family they leave behind. That cry is the sound of a lost one. And you know that, without their family they aren’t going to live long, this one will be dead by tomorrow afternoon.”

“That sucks, but you don’t seem like someone who would really feel sorry for birds.”

“Well, they remind me of someone.”

“I think they remind me of you.”

Louis twitched an eyebrow. “And why is that?”

“I’ll tell you someday.” Harry sighed, standing up. “But not today.”

Louis watched the beautiful, green eyed boy walk away. He felt something new that day, he felt like his heart was swooping and his stomach was in knots, because for the first time, he wanted someone to stay.

He wondered if he would ever see Harry again.

-

In September, when Louis found his internship fresh out of college, he was employed by the head of department, Greg. He was nice, and witty and funny and kind to Louis. He also had brown hair and shiny eyes. Not green, but close enough.

After two weeks of working with Louis, Greg asked him out for dinner. It was a beautiful night, Italian food, candles roses, chaste kisses goodbye, and it was more than what he could have hoped. Louis thought that maybe he could be proper happy again.

-

On his birthday, Greg bought Louis a leather watch, studded with diamonds at the edges it was beautiful, and Louis felt his heart twist in fondness for this man who had made his heart melt. They woke up together on Christmas morning and kissed lazily under the mistletoe as Greg made pancakes and danced around Louis in his underwear. It was perfect, but not perfect enough.

Because when Louis walked into Greg’s office with flowers in January, he saw him pressing one of the pretty girls from the finance sector against the wall and kissing her like his life depended on it. When he threw the flowers and ran, nobody ran after him, nobody offered explanations and Louis thought his heart was going to explode.

Needless to say, he never stepped foot in that office again, instead he cursed himself for being naïve and gullible, he was better off as a cynic.

He reached his house and punched a wall, packed his things and left for home by the first train to Doncaster.

If he had turned a minute, he would have seen a pair of green eyes following his train down the tracks and leaving London for all it had caused him was heartbreak and wariness.

-

Walking through the door to his house may have been the best decision he had ever made in three years. His mother was in the kitchen, cooking pasta that still smelled the same, and Louis toed off his shoes quietly near the door where he always had, adding another pair to the ever growing pile of sneakers. There was so much noise and chaos in the house that nobody even heard the door open and close, Louis pondered on the safety hazards of that point as he walked into the kitchen. His mum wasn’t facing him, and he took a second to look around. Everything looked the same, the magnet arrangements on the fridge, the tablecloth, the slightly unstable chair in the corner that held the various schoolbags, his own still hanging on the pegs behind the kitchen door.

He cleared his throat, deciding it was time someone noticed him, and his mothers head whipped around, wooden ladle in hand, she dropped the spoon in shock, and the world around him stopped.

“Hi mum.” He mumbled with a weak smile. “Is my room still free?”

Before he could speak, his mum had crushed him in her arms, he was taller than her, but he buried his nose in her neck tiredly, inhaling that motherly smell that only she seemed to have, it seemed to fill a hole in his chest that had been gaping for the last five years.  Muffled sobs of ‘my boy’ and ‘where have you been’ were muffled into his chest as his held on to his mother like a lifeline.

When she let go, he realised that his cheeks were wet and they were both sniffling but with smiling faces, she put a hand on his cheek and laughed incredulously. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

“Me neither.” Louis said quietly, cut off by four high pitched chattering voices stampeding down the stairs. He turned and all the noise stopped. “Well don’t I get a hug?” he asked cheekily.

Eight arms grabbed at him as all four girls tried to hug him at the same time, the twins clutching at his feet and Fizzy and Lottie burying themselves into his shirt. He pressed a kiss to Lottie’s hair and leaned his head against Fizz’s as he felt his shirt becoming damper with every second. “Okay,” he chuckled. “Enough crying.”

He received a sharp blow to his hip from an angry brown haired girl on his side. “you can’t just take off and leave for five years and then say you want us to stop crying.” She said, still sniffling. “It just doesn’t work that way.”

Louis smiled tightly, and kneeled down to be at level with the twins who were wiping at their eyes, he pressed a hand to Phoebe’s cheek and brushed away the water there, pulling both of the little ones into his arms. He looked at Lottie and Fizzy over their trembling shoulders and mouthed and apology. Even though he knew that he had a lot more explaining to do, this felt like the right start.

-

Louis and his mum did the dishes after dinner, she washed, he dried. The way it always was, the girls slept soundly upstairs, tired out from all the excitement. Jay talked about the happenings of her television shows, to Louis’ surprise he still remembered the basic characters and storyline and kept up quite well. She told him about Lottie’s growing rebellious streak and Felicite’s growing interest in books.

“I can’t help but be worried about the child boo. She spends all day holed up in her room, nose stuck in a book.” Jay laughed.

“Books build character, and imagination and a lot of other good stuff” Louis said idly. “I don’t think you should be too worried.”

“I missed you Louis, missed you a lot.”

“I thought.” Louis started carefully. “I thought you would hate me. I never called, I never visited, I never even sent out a lousy text.”

“Oh Lou.” Jay sighed. “Maybe you made some mistakes, but I could never hate you love. Never. Do hear me?”

 “Thanks mum.” Louis mumbled, pulling his mother into his arms once again, like he could never had enough. “I wish I could just stay here.” He muttered. “Never go back to the real world; I’ve had enough of it.”

“You can stay here as long as you need sweetheart. But you’ll go back when you’re ready, and you can go and fight your fears. Nothing has the right to scare of my baby boy.” Jay said, holding Louis’ hand tight, like she used to when he was young and crossing a street full of passing cars.

“I don’t know, if I can be that strong mum.”

“No baby, it’s not something you’re going to be. It’s something you _are._ ”

-

Louis stayed with his family for two months and fifteen days. He helped around the house, he took the girls to school in the morning, and picked them up in the afternoon instead of making them go on the bus. He did crosswords with his mum, and slept in his old bed and room again. He met up with Stan and Hannah and all his friends that he had left behind. They all said he had changed, and he supposed that was true.

After a month of that routine, he felt some of the numbness slip away from the frozen slab of ice that somehow pumped blood into his veins. He spoke more, he laughed more, he smiled more and his mum was relieved because the alienated Louis that she had gotten back after five years of distance wasn’t the one that she had left.

His mum told him he could leave whenever he felt that it was right, and that she knew he would make the right choices. And when he was ready, he knew it. He felt the warmth in his bones and the voice clear in his mind again, and he knew he had to go back and face the cold of London again. For all its flaws, it was home. There were friends there, and people who did care, and maybe Harry would be there too.

Jay dropped him to the station, just like old times, and hugged him hard with a tear in her eye. Louis closed his eyes, and just let himself drown in her warmth for another three seconds; he could allow himself that luxury, for there never would be quite a substitute.

“Be safe baby, and call me as you get home.”

“I will.” Louis said, pressing a kiss to his mother’s cheek. “I love you mum. Thanks for… thanks for everything.”

“Don’t be silly Lou bear.” She sniffled, tapping his nose clumsily, and Louis realised how lucky he was, to have a place to escape and hide his face when the world was overbearing and burying him in fatigue. Not everyone had the fortune to say that they have a safe haven where they won’t be turned away.

As Louis got on the train and waved to his mum, he knew that this time, he wouldn’t stay away so long again, because people like Louis needed to remind themselves again and again that love exists, if you know where to look.

-

When Louis went back to work, he was surprised to see that there was still an opening for him, apparently Greg had refused anyone else in the job and had been fired for being unsatisfactory as a task manager. He took the job, for it was little compensation for what Greg had done, and Louis wasn’t about to chase him down for an explanation.

As he was drafting an agreement while brewing a cup of tea, he was startled by a deep voice behind him.  “Pour me a cuppa too?”

The tea shook dangerously from side to side, spilling off the edge as Louis spun around to see a curly haired boy standing serenely behind him. Well he really should say curly haired man, but that just sounds creepy. He looked different, jaw line cut sharper than before, eyes more piercingly emerald than ever, hair swept over to the side in a way that was still endearing, the way he ruffled it reminded Louis of kittens and home, and wow he had never felt that way before about Harry, where is this even coming from.

When he finally regained his speech he said. “Pour it yourself if you’re so desperate.”

“Still the same then?” Harry chuckled, plucking Louis’ mug right out of his hands and taking a gulp, “Ew, bitter.”

“I’ll have that back thank you.” Louis retorted, grabbing his tea and sitting back down at his table.

Harry giggled and sat down in front of Louis, “You look good.”

“I always look good Harold.”

“No,” Harry beamed. “You look better. Where have you been Louis?”

“What do you mean?” Louis asked, distracted by the papers he was ruffling through. Work was really piling up for winter.

“You just disappeared Lou, I saw you leaving and you looked horrible.” Harry said concernedly.  “Where did you go? Why did you go.” He finished quietly.

Louis sighed. “I needed, I needed a break Haz,” the old nickname slipped out effortlessly. “I was drowning here, the buildings, the cold, the shame, they were burying me alive. I went home, to remind myself that I still… had one.”

“You have a home with me, you know that right?”

Louis felt his heart warm all over, because this boy, almost a man but not quite there yet, was so trusting and so loyal, admirable.

“Thanks Harry, but not if Nick and me are still on bad terms, I wouldn’t put you through that.”

“Nick’s engaged.” Harry said, giving a grin, “getting married in December, reckon you’ll snag an invite.”

Louis smiled so hard, he though his face was going to split in half, things were looking up.

-

Harry was entangled within Louis’ arms and their legs playfully kicked each other as they lay in the sand, looking up at the stars, a flock of birds flew past the moonbeams, and Louis sighed happily, then his eyebrows furrowed and he turned so that his face hovered above Harry’s.

“You never told me why that bird reminded you of me, tell me now?”

Harry hesitated, but gave in when Louis poked at his ribs. “Okay, okay! Fine. The bird reminded me of how lonely you seemed, I mean, I know you had company, but company isn’t friends. True friends.”

Louis stuttered at how accurate Harry’s assumption of him had been. He cleared his throat and rolled back onto the sand, still holding onto Harry’s waist. “You’re right I guess. I was lonely, miserably so. I just kind of lost hold of my emotions back then and basically became a stone.” He chuckled grimly.

“Not any more though.” Harry smiled, pressing a kiss to Louis’ temple. “I’m here now, and you’ll never be alone again.”

“What if you leave?”

“Yeah, but what if I don’t?”

-

Harry stumbled onto Louis clumsily, his fancy tie undone and his suit hanging off him as his boyfriend chuckled quietly, pushing both of them gently into their room. He turned to lock the door and Harry promptly fell back onto the floor. Louis laughed and kneeled in front of him. “Quite a wedding huh.”

“Quite a wedding.” Harry agreed, rubbing at his back, “do me a favour,” he slurred. “Don’t ever remind me of this.”

“You know I will,” Louis said, pulling the blazer off Harry, undoing his tie gently and unbuttoning his shirt. “Have I ever passed up the chance to infuriate you.”

“No,” Harry sighed, trying to remove his shoes and failing miserably. “Lou! Help me.”

“Twat.” Louis mumbled fondly, untying the laces and pushing the leather boots of carelessly, he pushed Harry into the bed and stripped himself off, getting under the covers as well.

“Louis, are you happy now?”

“Terribly so.”

“and do you still think I’ll leave you?”

Louis thought about that for a moment. “Honestly, yeah sometimes, but that’s just me, i can’t take things for granted.”

Harry pressed his nose into Louis’ neck and breathed in deeply, “you can take me for granted, because I’m never leaving, I love you so much.” He mumbled.

“Go to sleep Harry.”

“One more question.”

Louis sighed, “go on then.”

“Was I worth the wait?”

Louis answered without hesitation, “always.”

As Harry’s breathing slowed and his eyelids snapped shut, the two boys in love wrapped themselves around each other, for they lived for moments like these. When the wind blew cold and icy through the open window and the moon bathed the wooden window pane in milky white. And Louis was lucky enough to find the person that made him believe in love again. Maybe he had taken a while to get there, but in the end he was warm again, his bones were free from gloom and dark, his heart was fresh and red and filled with emotion and passion for the curly haired boy with the emerald green eyes.

“I love you too Haz.” Louis replied softly.

-

**Author's Note:**

> feedback would be amazing (: XX


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